The Boring Scale

I realize that a boredom scale has probably been done before many times over. However, I have not read any that I can recall so mine won't be influenced by others. After I am finished and have posted this I will look to read others and edit my scale accordingly.

A boredom scale is the next logical step. I mean, why have a blog? Boredom, that's why. Or if you are the more ambitious and optimistic type, you are trying to get laid (hello ladies).

The scale will work as follows. It will be a 1-5 scale with 1 only being slightly bored and 5 being bored to death, literally, a 5 means you will kill yourself to end the boredom. This scale will only really relate to being bored at work, in an office, sitting in a cubicle. Hopefully the scale will include an example of how bored you are, likely symptoms, and what possible solutions would be for each number. I am doing this on the fly so who knows. Here we go:

1 - Slightly bored - You have just crossed into the threshold of being bored. A minute ago you were not bored, now you are. This is probably the result of sitting a cubicle for the last 10-15 minutes doing absolutely nothing. You finished some stupid work related task 10 minutes ago and now you have nothing to do and are doing nothing. Ultimately, this is an ideal state of being. The problem is it never lasts. I could go through my entire life and be slightly bored the whole time and I would probably be happy. There really is no solution because at this stage you are content. Unfortunately, there is no doubt you will cross into:

2 - This is only the beginning bored - The beginnings of panic have set in after another couple minutes of boredom. Your mind starts contemplating things to do to cure the boredom. You worry that you could be bored, sitting at your cubicle doing nothing, for the rest of the day, until you are finally allowed to go home. A mild headache might set in. The best course of action is to scour the Internet for something to read. However, if you have reached this stage earlier today and cured it with Internet reading, you have probably read the whole entire Internet. If you can force yourself to eat, drink, sleep, or use the bathroom for a sustained period of time, you might come back and the Internet may have been updated and your boredom may end. If you can't force another bowel movement or eat another donut, you will continue on to:

3 - Craziness is setting in bored - The mind is a wonderful wonderful thing. Wonderful, but crazy. Your eyes start to move rapidly. Your mind is racing. You are clicking refresh on your email every other second, hoping, praying, that you have friend out there that will send you something, anything. You are getting really frustrated. You may contemplate starting a blog to cure your boredom. The usual solutions still apply but you may consider more extreme measures such as picking a fight, looking at porn at work, or even retiring to the bathroom to pleasure yourself. It should be noted any of these more extreme measures may result in being fired, which would be nice.

4 - I don't care anymore bored - This stage has two separate stages. First you will do anything, I mean anything to end your boredom. The sky is the limit. Go ahead and poop your pants. It is then followed by you giving up. You can't go on trying to end your boredom. You sit, and you stare.

5 - Bored to death - Suicide is the only really option here. That, or provoking someone to kill you.

Now that the scale is complete, I know that I am going to jump right into a number 2.

Note: Hawn contributed to idea for this post. Blame him.