Blogs are for guys that rarely/never get laid. How do I know this? I have a blog and I read some other blogs too.
It's that simple. I realize there are exceptions to the rule. Occasionally a hot confused girl will wear uggs, and occasionally a blogger will get some from a really drunk girl.. that probably wears uggs.
So which is worse? Uggs or the blogger?
Let's break it down:
UggsGirls that wear uggs wear them because they think they are cute and will make them cuter. Not happening. You are wrong. Sorry. They make you even more ugly than you already are. Well, I guess the ugliness of the boot distracts from the ugliness of your face. Why do you tuck your jeans into the boot? That is where the real problem lies. You look stupid. People should do what I do. When I see a girl/beast wearing uggs from a distance, I immediately cross the street or turn around and run away from them and start yelling warnings to other pedestrians. My boss should understand this as a valid reason for being late or not attending work:
"I saw a chick wearing uggs on the way to work and I had to run away. Fast."
"Oh, okay. That explains it. Keep up the good work."
Okay, if you wear uggs because they are comfortable (a fact I can never confirm because I don't ever talk to anyone that wears uggs) then I guess it is acceptable. They just better be the most comfortable damn boots ever.
Bloggers
Blogs are for antisocial nerdy guys that think underneath their lack of social skills they are witty and smart. Don't say to me "but, like, I read this guys blog and he's like, totally married/living with his girlfriend." You are proving my point. If they have been married for more than six months they are no longer having sex. Period. Unless he is of the 1% of lucky guys that has a good marriage, which is nearly impossible. And if they are living together, they are essentially married. "But I read this guys blog and his so funny/witty/smart/revolutionary/ visionary/etc. He has to get laid." Not true. If he could be so funny/witty/smart/revolutionary/visionary/etc. in person he would be getting laid and wouldn't have time for a blog, nor care about having a blog, because he would be having sex.
Fine, if you have a blog because you are promoting something (other than yourself), find it therapeutic to write stupid shit down about your life, or want to develop your writing skills so you can attempt to write a book, then maybe, just maybe, you have a chance of getting laid. Congratulations.
The Final Word - so I never have to speak of this again unless I have nothing else to write about (there is a good chance my next post will be about the exact same things.. I really don't have much going on in my life.. I did buy a Wii, so that is fun).
The girl that wears uggs and the guy that blogs should get together. She is ugly, and he is a nerd that isn't getting laid. They are a perfect match. Let the miserable be miserable together. If uggs and bloggers were to fight it would be a tie, and the resulting children would be ugly and lack social skills. They'd probably be book smart but lack common sense though.
6 comments:
So does this mean that between the months of September and February, when I didn't write a single blog entry, I was getting laid? I hope so.
B, You should have never come back to blogging. You were out. You were good. You had achieved the dream of every male blogger, but now you have relapsed. I am so disappointed.
... you may never have worn Uggs, but you do occassionally wear women's high heels... I would know. I've seen it.
If by occassionaly you mean all the time, then yes I do. But they make my legs look hot so it's okay.
p.s. I threw those heels away a few months ago. I tossed them into the trash can and thought, "Great men have stood in these shoes."
It must have been a sad day for you. Maybe one day I will destroy more of your possessions and you can worship that for a few years. You can remove the "maybe" from the previous sentence. It's pretty much gauranteed.
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