Live from Mumbai

I barely made it..

I told my loose cannon/alcoholic/insane/likely to be arrested in a foreign country coworker that if he didn't show up at the airport Friday morning I was not going to get on the plane. Seriously, I wasn't doing this alone. No way. And it seemed like a possibility when his wife was admitted to the hospital the day before for some mild sickness. I arrived at the airport around 6:20 AM for the 8 AM flight. By 7:15 he was nowhere to be found and wasn't answering his cell phone. I figured something happened and he wasn't coming. I was heading to the gate to see if was possible to retrieve my checked bag when I finally saw him. Apparently he waited in the long line to check his bag instead of going straight to the business class line. Yea, I know, I work with geniuses. It was actually disappointing to see him because I wanted to stay in Boston so I was kind of glad he had appeared to not be showing up (of course I was mildly concerned.. if something serious had happened.. to his wife.. not him. I don't care about him).

The flight was pretty good. I drank a lot of free booze ("yes I would like some champagne, and a rum and coke and what beers do you have?") and ate some terrible food. I wandered around the plane and realized I was the only passenger awake. It was kind of creepy, like the airline and put everyone to sleep. I watched a few movies.

The airport in India is usually a madhouse with crowds, no hoards of people and cars everywhere. Most international flights arrive in the middle of the night and every member of the family has to journey to airport to pick their loved ones up, and there are about 100,000 taxis and porters wanting to help you carry your bag.. for a fee, and they keep asking even if you keep saying no. Anyway, our flight arrived around noon, which is unusual and is probably the only flight getting in then, so it wasn't nearly as bad. However, since it was noon and it is May, it was about 100 degrees with 100 percent humidity outside. I was sweating profusely by the end of the 100 yard walk outside to the car.

India is an interesting place. In some ways it seems just as fast paced as the U.S. or more so, especially on the roads with the insane traffic and death defying driving abilities of just about everyone. In other ways, it is really slow. Order a sandwich at a deli in the U.S. and they make it and give it you in a few minutes. In India the same thing takes half an hour. Request a room change in India to avoid being near construction at the hotel and they say someone will change it in half an hour. An hour later you are still waiting and finally they do something as the realize the American kid is getting pissed.

I went to the movies in India. Apparently the first order of business once arriving here was to see Spider Man 3. This made perfect sense to me. I had never gone the theaters here before. The theater was nice. You get assigned seating, like at a sporting event, and there was an intermission. Of course I was jet lagged and could barely stay awake.

Other observations about India/the hotel/life in general:

1) The room service guy has an uncanny ability to arrive just as I am sitting down in the bathroom to handle some business. I am convinced they are watching me and are messing with me.
2) If you don't put the 'do not disturb' sign on the door they will try and clean your room every 10 minutes even though you are asleep and tell them to go the f away.
3) Don't try and converse with the taxi driver that doesn't speak English. I feel like it pisses him off "stupid American doesn't know hindi!" and he could really take you anywhere he wants because I don't know where the hell I am.
4) If the movie gets cut off on the plane 10 minutes before the end you have the right to complain. Now I will never know what happens at the end of "Alpha Dog." Justin Timberlake did a surprisingly good job, unless of course he blew it in the last 10 minutes of the movie.
5) What can't Justin Timberlake do?

Sing? Check.
Dance? Check.
Act? Check.
Look beautiful? Check
Be Attractive? Check
Don't be unattractive? Check
Destroy beautiful women so they become a shell of their former selves? Check -Hi Britney!

6) My man crash isn't on Justin Timberlake. We all know I am Johnny Depp guy.
7) I'm not gay, I swear. Well, not that I know of. Not that there's anything wrong with that.