If you call me and don't leave a message I will call you back.
If you call me and leave a voicemail message I will call you back.
If you call me and leave a voicemail message, as in my phone indicates I have a voicemail, but when I call my voicemail there is nothing there except for blank silence, or possibly heavy breathing, I will not call you back, asshole. Not only that, but if you continue to do this we will no longer be friends, associates, business partners, lovers, etc.
This is what I do with junk mail. It has been on our fridge for months. Sorry to all the stalkers of mine, I have deleted the address. If you were a good stalker you would already know where I live anyway. Why don't you give it up buddy? And by the way, stop leaving breathing messages on my phone. It's starting to get creepy.
I need to write about last week and last weekend. I went to Chicago for a night, then back to Boston, and then the next day to Texas for a wedding where yours truly was the best man and delivered a hell of a speech. I'm waiting for the video tape to see if I will post it on youtube and truly cement my awesomeness to the world.
For those of you that care I am staying in Boston and not moving anywhere.
6 comments:
You're not moving to Chicago?
p.s. I'm in Colorado at the mountain mansion. I wish you had come. You would have had a great time.
Nope, I am staying here in Boston. I probably should have come. Do a shot on the top of a mountain for me other J.
Nice ass, human. I wish someone would say that to me. Once.
That's my new line at the bar: "Nice ass, human." That, and then I tell everyone I am a male go go dancer.
That would definitely be hot. And funny.
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