I am quitting my job in two weeks. Two weeks from tomorrow and I'm out of there. They actually talked about extending me, but I said no, I'm out. I already have my letter of resignation written:
Dear ***** ****** Corporation,
F-You. I'm out bitches!
J
Here is a summary of my 3 years:
Number of days worked: 722
Number of actions booked: 2000+
Average arrival time Year 1: 7:45AM
Average departure time Year 1: 5:00PM
Average arrival time Year 2: 8AM
Average departure time Year 2: 4:15PM
Average arrival time Year 3 (first 8 months): 9AM
Average departure time Year 3 (first 8 months): 4PM
Average arrival time Year 3 (last 4 months): 10:30AM
Average departure time Year 3 (last 4 months): 3:45PM - stopped caring
Number of inquires/questions received: 3412
Number of inquires/questions resolved: 3412 - Oh Yeah!
Number of times on the phone I requested person to write me an email because I couldn't understand Asian/Indian/Foreign accent: 23
Number of times I still couldn't understand them over email: 17
Number of times I caused a major f-ing problem: 0
Number of time I thought I caused a major f-ing problem: 3 - to be young and not know that nothing matters
Number of pay increases: 5
Number of pay increases more than 3%: 1
Number of times my desk was unnecessarily moved: 2
Number of trips to India: 2
Number of days spent in India for work: 56
Number of times I was freaked out/horrified by what had occurred or what was occurring in the bathroom: 31
Number of times I was the cause of above freak out: 7
Number of times I was hit in the groin by a flying object: 3
Number of times I arrived at work hungover: 32
Number of times I vomited at work: 0
Number of times I went to the gym when I should have been working: 170
Number of times my boss said something offensive: 100+
Number of times I cursed a little too loud: 35
Number of times I yelled/sweared at incompetent co-worker: 1
Number of incompetent co-workers I had: 7
Total number of co-workers: 18
Satisfaction level with upper management (1-10, 10 being the best): 0
Number of hot girls I worked with: 1
Number of hot girls I have seen in the office over 3 years: 8
Number of people I plan on staying in contact with: 5
Number of times I saw the gay guy looking at questionable material online: 1
Number of times the other gay guy stuck his ass out suggestively: too many, and damn it, I noticed.
Number of times the middle aged ethnic woman picked her nose/farted/scratched her crotch in front of me: 14
Number of over 250 pounds women I worked with: 2, and they were both like 5 feet tall
Percentage of my total income over the last 3 years that came from this job: <50% - I am not a drug dealer.
Number of future job prospects as of today: 0
No one at work knows about this blog and I hope it stays that way. I also hope any potential future employers of mine do not read this.
2 comments:
Number of times I ate lunch with a high school friend in my office cafeteria: 1
Number of times I didn't feel like working so did nothing all day but surf the internet: At least 40 . . . over the course of a year.
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