The Stages of Unemployment

So I have been unemployed for a couple of weeks now or something like that. I really can't keep track of time anymore. The days just kind of melt into each other. Here are the stages I have experienced so far:

1) Pure joy. Bliss. I don't have to do shit anymore. Even my parents aren't hassling me because now I will have time to go visit them. We'll see about that. The only way to make this stage last is to develop a drug/alcohol problem which I am sort of doing, but my heart really isn't in it.. yet.

2) Planning. Let's update my resume! Let's take a class! Let's get some exercise! Let's go to the grocery store for the first time in 6 months! Most of these things never happen, but at least I thought about making them happen.

3) Boredom. I am writing this blog entry at 3:15AM. I will sleep until at least noon tomorrow if not later. I will watch shitty TV all day and try and find a friend to do something with. Boredom does help contribute to alcoholism/drug addiction which can lead right back, at least temporarily, to stage:

4) Joy! Yay! I'm a bored drug addict alcoholic insomniac with no job who is quickly depleting his savings at an alarming rate and soon will be a bum on the street!

Seriously though I am still more or less in the first two stages. My resume has been worked on, and classes and other various activities are seriously in the works. What, you ask? I'm going to take Kung-Fu, and brew my own beer, and be a big brother. Also, other possible ways to make money legally are in the works. I'm talking to you B and you, crazy hair J, let's do this shit.

Really, being unemployed is like being on summer vacation. It's pretty nice.. especially since it is summer right now.

This time of night is when I really produce awesome and depressing and awesomely depressingly blog entries.. the mixture of tiredness, insomnia, and lack of drugs and alcohol in my system really does wonders for my writing abilities.. I f-ing love it.

Voicemail/Missed Call Etiquette

Here are the rules:

If you call me and don't leave a message I will call you back.

If you call me and leave a voicemail message I will call you back.

If you call me and leave a voicemail message, as in my phone indicates I have a voicemail, but when I call my voicemail there is nothing there except for blank silence, or possibly heavy breathing, I will not call you back, asshole. Not only that, but if you continue to do this we will no longer be friends, associates, business partners, lovers, etc.


This is what I do with junk mail. It has been on our fridge for months. Sorry to all the stalkers of mine, I have deleted the address. If you were a good stalker you would already know where I live anyway. Why don't you give it up buddy? And by the way, stop leaving breathing messages on my phone. It's starting to get creepy.



I need to write about last week and last weekend. I went to Chicago for a night, then back to Boston, and then the next day to Texas for a wedding where yours truly was the best man and delivered a hell of a speech. I'm waiting for the video tape to see if I will post it on youtube and truly cement my awesomeness to the world.

For those of you that care I am staying in Boston and not moving anywhere.

Flight of the Conchords

I know it's been a while and let me tell you some shit went down. But I'll get to that later. I just found out about this show, Flight of the Conchords, and it could be the funniest thing ever. It's on after Entourage on HBO. Here are some clips:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tcJDRqYIO4&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwvEDzsLHc4&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUiM1Ixp6K4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7vgY0yEs9Y&mode=related&search=

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MxinK7GQ6g&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uarVm5xFPtA&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drL5_dws0Y8&mode=related&search=

I think you get the idea. Good show. If you haven't seen this show you might not want to watch all these clips. I recommend watching the show all in order so you can follow the story. Thanks to R who showed me this show.

And Then There Were 2

I just got back from Chicago. I was looking at apartments. I am either living there or staying in beantown. I don't know what the hell to do. I probably won't be posting anything til next week because I will be Texas at a wedding until then. I am way too tired right now to say anything funny or interesting. I'm sorry, but here's this:

Someone told me about this shit, so thanks:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCedVqOucMM

Untitled

Now that I am unemployed I have more free time to ignore my blog and focus on more important things such as Facebook and sleeping and becoming a full blow alcoholic. Yay!

I know you are wondering. I haven't written about Blue Steel for a while. She is doing well. Really well actually. Thanks for asking. She's doing lot better than me. She is still overtaking weaker automobiles at breathtaking speed, blasting through speed traps, and in general embarrassing everyone else out there. I've tried to do this on my own, running around the streets, and it just doesn't work as well. I don't remember how many points she has, but she has earned more.

I did get a parking ticket, boo, in Boston last week. Jesus Christ that shit is expensive now. $55 and I got in my car 3 minutes after it was written up. If I had just had a chance to see the meter maid and reason with her/him/it. Blue Steel should be allowed to park wherever the hell it wants. Why? Because she is beautiful... and has a nice rack.